I Saw Emmett Naked
by Dreamstallion33
Summary: In her short life thus far Renesmee had thought she'd seen it all! Turns out that was all just the beginning...
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** Originally this started as a sequel to Vampire Daddy in Renesmee's PoV. But this turned out to sum up the entirety of Breaking Dawn rather quickly...That's 754 pages summarized in about 1,000 words...There's a lot I want to say about the symbolism of those numbers, but Breaking Dawn does have it's merits so I won't start complaining now. Anyway, I'm not really clear on where this is going, it's sort of writing itself and the plot keeps changing. Mostly it's just fun to write! So please join me and Nessie for whatever adventure we encounter along the way!

_The Golden Chocolate Awards: Best Drabble - WINNER!_

**Disclaimer:** With or without clothes the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

ENJOY!

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**I Saw Emmett Naked

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**

**Prologue**

Few creatures remember their birth. Part of my kind can remember one version of being born and in some ways it's more traumatic than even my experience; which was highly unorthodox in its own right. But it is debated by well-known psychiatrists that humans are so traumatized by birth that they block it from their memory, much as their mother's often claim to not remember the pain of delivery. These psychiatrists argue that to remember one's birth would cause a complete psychological breakdown. I disagree. I remember everything I ever thought, witnessed or experienced. Ever. And my birth was by far not the most traumatic. I'm not even sure it makes the top five, anymore.

My birth was harrowing. Even before that was no picnic. Sure it was warm and safe inside, but it was also incredibly cramped. I nearly died during those first few weeks from starvation!

My mother is a resilient woman whom I adore. I would often hear her voice telling me how much she loved me. And I loved her back. I especially loved it when she called me EJ. I was EJ. And somehow that made me extra special. I would try to tell her how much I loved this, but I would often hurt her. This would be my first lesson in right and wrong. Consequently, my father would often rub the spot I had just bruised or broken. His touch was gentle, but when he spoke he sounded coarse and distant. He did not like me. And yet I loved him, unconditionally.

On a fateful day after getting through so many dire hurdles I began to suffocate. The air was sucked right from my safe home, right from my very lungs. I saw spots and then everything went black. It was obvious, I was dying. Again.

As my heart slowed I decided I had accomplished too much already. I had not starved, my Daddy loved me and I was trying very hard not to hurt Mommy, lately. But at that moment I didn't care. I wanted to live. I wanted to breathe. So I started forcing my way out.

There was constant yelling on the outside which frightened me, and caused me to push harder. I broke Mommy's spine. But nothing could deter me from my mission. Yet, it felt like a lost cause…

Suddenly cold hands were grasping me, swaddling me. I was assaulted by all sorts of sights and smells. I could breath and there was certainly more room to move about. But there was so much to absorb, I felt just as trapped as I did within the womb. Except there was no longer a safe encasing to protect me, to nourish me. I was helpless.

I was completely disorientated until someone said, "Renesmee," in the kindest most awed voice I had ever heard. I did not know who Renesmee was, but I knew my father was holding me. His cold skin did not match his warm expression.

I had lived. I had survived.

Daddy handed me to Mommy who called me Renesmee too and then it occurred to me that for some reason I was no longer EJ. This disappointed me. And then I bit Mommy. That was my second, lesson in right and wrong.

This would seem to be the end of my trauma, but no one except an infant can understand how horrible it is not to be held by your mother. There were plenty of people to hold me, to change me, to whisper soothing words as my eyelids grew heavy and sleep overcame me.

Rosalie and Jacob often bickered over caring for me, which never made sense because I loved both of them equally; Rosalie was kind, but Jacob was warm. Emmett was usually the referee for their fights, hauling Rosalie out of the room as she struggled to claw at Jacob who just growled and quivered menacingly. Esme liked to marvel in my ability, she was always at my beck and call. Carlisle liked to measure me, which was always fun. Although not nearly as much fun as when Alice would put on comfortable onesies and brush my hair. Jasper always made me happy or sleep better when I was restless. But none of them were Mommy.

Daddy hummed to me by her side once but all she did was lay there, so still I was sure I that even though I had survived, I'd killed my mother in the process.

There's nothing like needing your mother and then considering yourself a monster. I cried, silently, missing, both my parents since Daddy never left Mommy's side. I felt alone and vulnerable. But nothing got past my caretakers who kept me thoroughly occupied for the most part.

I remember the day Mommy woke up. Everyone was saying her name and there was an electric energy in the air. I asked Jacob with my thoughts what all the excitement was and he explained as best he could that Mommy was going to open her eyes, but that we might not be able to see her for a while. I snuggled my head into Jacob's neck, despairingly. All I wanted was my Mommy.

Eventually I settled into the only type of normal I knew. My family was special, but I was even more special than all of them. And all my ordeals seemed over. I quickly learned to walk and talk, to read and to color in the lines; which is something Grandpa was constantly in awe about. I liked to dream about Daddy teaching me to play piano, Mommy teaching me how to write, Jacob teaching me to ride a bike and countless other skills I wanted to master.

But panic soon became the only emotion I was really familiar with. Alice and Jasper left and a dozen new friends arrived but we were in danger. I was in danger. The confrontation with the Volturi was terrifying to say the least; nobody would tell me what was going on! But we survived. And I finally thought that I had experienced more than enough trauma for my short lifetime, thus far. But that was before I saw Emmett naked…

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-So I'll try to update as often as possible. Reviews will definitely keep this fic going. Thanks for reading!


	2. CHAPTER ONE: I Ate Human Food

_Author's 'post it' note:_ Yay an update!!! More info at the end of the chapter. Okay, now go read!

**Disclaimer:** With or without clothes the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

ENJOY!

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**CHAPTER ONE: I Ate Human Food**

The evening after the Volturi stand-off we all assembled at the dining room table.

All of our new friends had left, and the big white house felt kind of empty. But Alice and Jasper were back and we were safe, so I was happy.

I sat on Rosalie's lap, putting my hand over her hand; I told her all about my day with Jacob.

Despite it being the middle of winter, the sun had decided to come out for a little bit. Everyone had to stay inside, but when Jacob came over after school he took me to the beach.

The air had a nice breeze; it felt like I didn't even really need a jacket. But Mommy and Alice had insisted so I stood on the beach in my pink coat with the fur trim on the hood, practically breaking a sweat.

Jacob and I even went swimming! Well, really Jacob showed me how to swim. I got water up my nose when I put my face in and didn't go deeper than my ankles after that. I can't wait to learn, though! Jacob made it look so easy.

It hadn't really snowed, like it did up in the mountain, so mostly the beach was kind of muddy. But you could see all the pebbles, glistening in their tiny pools of melting ice. I brought home a bunch in my favorite colors, and Alice told me she could make me something with them, even though she was kind of mad I'd ruined my nice winter jacket.

"Don't worry about the jacket, Alice will get over it when she sees what an an excellent swimmer you'll be, Nessie," Rosalie said pulling me close.

Everyone was nearly seated and there was a lot of talking. I was kind of confused.

Grandpa was still at the hospital and Grandma was in her office and no one would tell me why we were sitting here so I assumed as soon as the entire family was together whatever it was wouldn't be too bad.

I hopped off Rosalie's lap, crawling under the table to clamber onto Daddy's lap; he hugged me comfortingly, smiling.

Mommy leaned in close and gave me a kiss. I placed my palm on Mommy's cheek, my fear getting the better of me.

She chuckled at my question. "Don't worry we're not all sitting here to force you to eat human food, Nessie."

I sighed with relief. And a low chuckle erupted around the table. Then everyone resumed their conversations. I tried to understand, exactly what was going on.

"I'm thinking about taking a health course when we go back," Jasper said leaning toward Emmett conspiratorially.

Emmett shrugged, "I think high school does a good enough job with health. You get the basics."

Jasper eyed me closely for a moment and then started to whisper, "Not a _regular_ health class. You know the _fun_ kind!"

And then his voice got really low and I couldn't hear what he said even though it made me want to hear him more. It sounded like he said something about mex or tex, which completely brought back my fears of being fed human food!

Emmett started laughing. "Oooh! So is there a lab?" his laughed boomed just then as he nudged Jasper and winked.

This comment made me sure I was the subject of Jasper and Emmett's whispering. Was I some sort of science project? What was so funny about a lab? And what did that have to do with Jasper's health class? The good news was I wasn't confused anymore; I was scared. I was about to swear off ever reading scary stories like _Mary Shelley's Frankenstein_ again, but then Grandpa and Grandma were finally joining us and surely, whatever the reason for our assemblage this evening would finally be addressed. _Please don't let it be about me!_ _It always seemed to be about me, lately_!

I clenched my teeth holding my jaw tightly shut. They would have to get the Jaws of Life to get me to eat human food. The thing that scared me is they had just that in Emmett.

"Bella, thank you so much for making the last two years one of the most exciting ever!" Emmett said, halting every other conversation.

"Oh yeah it was a picnic," Mommy deadpanned.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well you were born, that was exciting!" Rosalie beamed.

"For you maybe," I said folding my arms.

The entire house shook with the laughter that exploded around the table. I didn't think it was funny. In fact, there was something I really wanted to ask Daddy. So over the din I said, "Daddy, why didn't you like me?"

If the laughter was explosive the silence that followed my question was implosive. It felt like the entire dinning room would dissolve into nothingness. Suddenly I was filled with an extreme sense of calm and I knew Jasper was easing the anxiety.

Emmett leaned toward Rosalie and whispered, "This is why teenagers shouldn't have children!"

"EMMETT!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes and smacked Emmett's arm, "Why would you say that?!"

"In front of Nessie!?" Mommy hissed through her teeth, slamming her fist into the table.

"Bella, please don't break this table. I know you're upset, but—"

I tugged on Daddy's shirt, "You didn't answer the question!"

Everyone stared at me and Daddy again.

Mommy put her hand on my arm. "Oh Nessie, Daddy didn't like me when we first met either."

Daddy held me close, "And I love you more than my own life."

Mommy put her hand on her hip feigning infuriation, "Oh really? Because I thought _I_ was your life?"

Then Mommy leaned in and kissed Daddy on the lips.

"Well that hardly makes sense since you're both dead," Emmett smirked.

I beamed. "Want to make it up to me?"

"You're a greedy little monster," Daddy chuckled, "but how can I make it up to you?"

"Can I have a puppy?"

"You already have Jacob, sweetie," Rosalie stated matter-of-factly.

I pouted, "Jacob is _not_ a puppy!"

"No, you can't have a puppy," Grandma said, her gaze apologetic.

"Why not?" I pleaded, tears welling in my eyes.

"Now, Nessie! Being manipulative won't get you anything!" Daddy chastised.

"Tell that to Jasper," Alice muttered.

Grandpa stood up just then, "We haven't even begun to discuss the reason we're all sitting here and Nessie should get to sleep soon, so let's get started."

I curled up in Daddy's lap prepared to doze off. Grandpa hesitated a moment then said, "Nessie, I know the first time you tried formula it didn't work. But I really think we should try human food again."

I cracked my eyelids open, slightly staring at Grandpa suspiciously.

"Mommy, you promised!" I implored.

"I know, Nessie but you asked for a puppy." Mommy said, sympathetically.

"What do they have to do with each other?!" I sobbed, unable to control my tears.

Daddy wiped a tear sliding down my cheek. "I'll explain tomorrow," he said gently.

Grandpa grinned at me. Then in the kindest voice, ever he said, "So Nessie, how about some human food tomorrow?"

I buried my face in Daddy's shirt, unable to say no and afraid to face the fact that if I didn't I would have to eat human food.

...They fed me cereal the next morning. I cried the whole time.

The milk tasted thick and acrid. The cereal had a treacly flavor, which was better but not by much.

What made the whole experience even more traumatic was after the first spoonful I made a face and then Daddy explained that this was exactly why I couldn't have a puppy.

Didn't make me like the cereal any better, but I never made a face as I ate the rest. It was horrifying to realize I would rather eat a puppy than cereal!

Having to eat human food was dreadful! But it made me wary of whatever it was I would have to endure next…

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**Author's Note:** A few things...First just to clear the air, Jasper and Emmett are talking about college and Jasper is considering taking a sex class...Yes they offer them, no there is no lab...Hence Emmett's joke! Now you get it?! lol! Actually there's a story behind that, but basically that joke is something I've actually said and recently I realized it's a prefect line for Emmett in a fic! So viola! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sit tight, _eventually_ the story will get to Emmett naked. Poor Nessie still has more truama to endure before we get there...Wonder what it's going to be? Hmmm...


	3. CHAPTER TWO: I Learned To Line Dance

_Author's 'post it' note:_ This chapter is longer than the others, thought you all deserved it for being so patient! More info at the end of the chapter. Okay, now go read!

**Disclaimer:** With or without clothes the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

ENJOY!

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**CHAPTER TWO: I Learned To Line Dance  
**

"NO!" Emmett's shout reverberated from the airy kitchen of the big white house right through the cottage.

I sat up, and yawned, wondering why Emmett was causing a commotion. I blinked and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Part of me was disappointed I was up just before dawn.

The inky sky was slowly getting lighter, but it was still too dark to read without a light, there really wasn't much else to do in my room at this hour.

A trickling sense of boredom came over me as I flattened myself against my pillows. I couldn't be too upset I was awake early. I loathed the fact that I _had_ to sleep. Nobody else did!

I always worried I would miss something incredibly fun or exciting, but Rosalie often told me that she was bored while I slept, because everything was only fun and exciting when I was around. And then Emmett would make a stupid joke about me being just like Mommy, because apparently when she was human, life around Forks was almost incessantly exciting. Daddy was never amused by this and he would glare at Emmett and then make some statement about life how at least life was now consistent. At which Emmett would snort and say, "Consistency is only useful when you use a toilet!"

Aside from the fact that this could always get me to laugh, no matter what my mood, I really did agree with Emmett. Consistency was dull. It was mind-numbing to imagine doing the same thing for nearly a century. Everybody needs a little variety.

Though when I really thought about it, my life was rarely consistent. I grew large amounts on a daily basis, I never wore the same outfit twice and I had a vast understanding of concepts children my actual age would probably not discover till their early teens.

I never even knew where my next meal was coming from. Not in the literal sense of course. But I could never be sure if I would have to endure human food or if _maybe_ Mommy and Daddy would take me hunting. Even hunting could be considered a little inconsistent, as we never hunted in one area too often.

I closed my eyes, imagining clinging to Daddy's back like a baby monkey, because I still wasn't as fast as the rest of the family. He would race through the forest, his feet noiselessly slamming the hard, usually uneven ground. Daddy was swift, but Emmett was the most fun when he ran. Emmett made sure I was bounced and jostled the whole way, completely on purpose, since he was just as capable at keeping as steady as Daddy could. Emmett liked bounding through the forests, knocking over trees as he went. I'm sure people assumed numerous lightening storms were the cause of the destruction. Hunting trips were even better when Mommy and Daddy would race!

I liked to pretend I was a horse jockey and encourage whoever bore me to go faster. Whoever was carrying me always won, and I was beginning to get suspicious that this was being done on purpose.

Jasper's even voice carried right to my room, though his tone was coarser than usual,"Emmett, _you have to_!"

Sighing into my pillow I rolled over and nearly fell out of my bed. Mommy and Daddy had long since, removed my crib from the room; I'd grown out of it in only a few short weeks. Sometimes I missed the security of those iron bars, but I loved my canopy bed, I felt just like a princess, with the lacey pink cover for the top.

Catching myself I relished in the coolness of my satin covers a moment. But I was too curious to know what Emmett and Jasper were up to.

As I moved toward my door, I saw the knob turn and Daddy's head peer in. "Heard you get up. Are you hungry, Nessie?"

I scrunched up my nose, "What do I have to eat this morning?"

"Oatmeal!" Daddy said, ignoring my sardonic tone.

"It's _so_ bland! And it's either too crunchy or too soft," I whined, cringing at the thought of eating such a sad excuse for food.

It had only been a week since I first tried cereal. And since then I'd had sushi, pizza, chocolate, avocados, cherries, two kinds of soup and eggs, among a few other things that were just too awful to recall.

I liked eating chocolate the most! Not because I really liked the taste, but because everyone would sit around and stare at me and moan as I ate it, my fingers practically melting the bar before I could finish it. Everyone missed chocolate except both my Grandpas and Jacob.

Grandpa Carlisle didn't miss it because he wasn't sure he had ever had chocolate in the time he was human. Emmett insisted he probably had never had it, because "you never forget your first time," he would chuckle and wink. Mommy would nod enthusiastically and then knock Emmett in the head with a reproving look. And Grandpa Charlie would split a bar with me, which would appease both Sue, who didn't like Grandpa having too much sugar and Grandpa because he could enjoy the chocolate. Jacob was the best though. He likes chocolate, but he never forces any on me. Its just not as sweet as…blood.

"Oh, okay," I sulked. Daddy scooped me up and ran for the big white house.

Jasper was sitting at the kitchen table smirking. I plopped into the chair opposite him and folded my arms.

"This is going to be _so_ good!" Jasper said, rubbing his hands together.

"You should eat the oatmeal then," I mumbled.

Daddy stared at me sternly a moment then looked at Jasper alarmed. "What is? What are you doing?! You know what, Nessie, let's come back later."

"It'll be _fine_! Stay! Please, at least let Nessie eat. Emmett is just fulfilling his end of the bet he lost."

"I DID NOT LOSE! WE CALLED A TRUCE!" Emmett shouted from somewhere upstairs.

Daddy raised his eyebrows, "If you called a truce then why does Emmett have to do _anything_?"

"Because that was the conditions of the truce," Jasper stared at the doorway to the kitchen, waiting.

Daddy shook his head heading toward the pantry. "What bet did you call a truce for, anyway?" he asked, as he rummaged for the box of oatmeal.

"The one about Bella. We decided it was clear we were both wrong and it was time to move on. Emmett should be ready any moment," Jasper chuckled, demonically.

"And what do _you_ have to do?" Daddy started pouring hot water into the oatmeal. I swallowed and clenched my teeth.

"Don't worry your pretty little bouffant about it, Edward. Just let me enjoy this," Jasper reclined in his chair, the back of it protesting with his weight.

"I would be much more assured if you weren't singing the _Lamb Chop_ theme song in Hebrew with a southern accent over and over in your head!" Daddy placed the bowl of steaming oatmeal in front of me and then took the seat beside me.

"Hey! It's 'the song that never ends'!" Jasper hummed out loud for a bit and then looked at his watch, "Emmett you have thirty seconds and counting to get down here...28…27…26…25…"

I held the spoon full of oatmeal to my mouth, but dropped it.

"_Just take those old records off the shelf!_"

Suddenly the house was filled with the sound of Bod Seger's voice. Daddy was watching the doorway to the kitchen as intently as Jasper, except he was poised to run. I didn't want to leave so I started again at my oatmeal, hoping to encourage Daddy to let me stay.

But I quickly dropped my spoon again as Emmett skidded into the kitchen…

I gasped, but quickly started giggling. It was impossible to stop.

Emmett was in a woman's dress shirt that barely made it across his broad frame and a frilly pair of pink underwear that undeniably belonged to Alice. The seams looked ready to pop at the slightest movement.

"I promise you, Edward, there will be no wardrobe malfunction," Emmett winked at me, still dancing across the floor.

"If there is, you're paying for the therapy," Daddy said, smirking.

"Hey! Nessie won't need therapy," Emmett beamed, "She'll just have to hope Jacob can compete!"

"_Emmett! _I wasn't talking about therapy for Nessie, I was referring to _me_! But after hearing _that_ Nessie _will_ need therapy!"

I opened my mouth to ask no less than a million questions but I just kind of gaped at Daddy and Jasper unsure of where to start and then I lost my opportunity to talk, altogether.

"Stop talking Emmett, what this?! We didn't agree upon this!" Jasper was beginning to look indignant.

"Shutup, Jasper! I'm getting to what we agreed to. Just warming up," Emmett flexed a few times.

"Well _that's _pointless, since we're always cold!"

Daddy chuckled, "Risky business you're working, Emmett."

Emmett snorted. "Oh relax, _Jazz! _The girls are out hunting, they won't be back for hours."

"Mommy went hunting?" I tried not to sound too upset, but I was kind of disappointed they hadn't taken me. _I was a girl!_

Daddy wrapped me in his arms, "They're also going shopping for you, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

I didn't have time to dwell on the whole matter since just then the music changed and Emmett started doing some weird dance moves with his arms.

"_It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A._" I quickly realized Emmett was trying to create the letters of the song, but the shirt was restricting him. The song didn't stay on long and another one with hands ("_Hands up. Baby, hands up/Gimme your heart/gimme, gimme/All your love, all your love._") quickly replaced it.

I wished Emmett would do this everyday. It was the best way to get everyone's attention off me and my breakfast. The moves were weird but they were easy to remember and the songs were kind of catchy...

Emmett started walking in place his arms moving as the song declared, "_C'mon baby do the loco-motion!_" which quickly shifted into a different tune, "_Do the hustle!_"

A satisfied smile was slowly creeping across Jasper's face. "Excellent transition!"

The fun beat ("_dudududedudedudu_") became a more complicated dance where the singer said, "_It's electric! Boogie woogie, woogie!_"

"Nessie, come dance the next one with me!" Emmett said nodding to the spot on the floor next to him.

"But I probably don't know it! And I definitely don't know the dance moves."

Even though it was just Daddy, Jasper and Emmett—who was already making a fool of himself—I was too embarrassed. Emmett was being funny, but I would just look ridiculous in my pajamas, standing there.

Emmett grabbed my hand and yanked me up, gently depositing me in the center of the room next to him so fast all the blood rushed to my head. I swayed on the spot a moment and the looked up at Emmett afraid of he what he wanted me to do.

I was quickly learning I had few choices when someone in this family put their mind to something…

"Ready, Nessie?" Emmett said as he placed his hands against his hips and began flapping his elbows.

"No," I whined, eying my oatmeal, wishing I could at least sit by it again.

"Just follow me!" Emmett said, excitedly.

"_I don't wanna be a chicken! I don't wanna be a duck! So shake my butt!_"

I sniggered at the lyrics. The dance moves were surprising easily and obvious. But I still ran back to my seat at the table as soon as the song changed, my cheeks growing hot from the humiliation. I gave Emmett a lot of credit for dancing around with no regard for what anyone else might think. The next song was in another language and the only thing I could really catch was "_Hey! Macarena!_" And then Emmett would turn and start doing the moves facing that direction…

I never heard the next song because Daddy covered my ears and started humming rather loudly, though I caught a line or two, "_Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Boy  
Then Super Man Dat…_," which didn't really explain why Daddy was covering my ears.

Then two very country sounding songs, blared through the house.

Daddy explained that '_The Cotton-Eyed Joe_' was a folk song. The dance for this was too complicated and Emmett did the moves so fast my eyes couldn't keep up. The other country song was more fun sounding and whenever Emmett was done fulfilling the bet I was going to insist he teach me the '_Hoedown Throwdown_'!

...After '_The Cha Cha Slide' _Emmett darted out of the room and returned with a feather boa, as the track changed.

Jasper clapped, "Ah, this is what we agreed on!"

"_It's just a jump to the left_" the music instructed.

Emmett jumped, rocking the whole house.

"…Let's do the time warp again!" Emmett wiggled his arms in front of him, singing along with the last verse of the chorus.

"What's the 'Time warp'?" I asked, Daddy. The oatmeal was cold and completely forgotten, thankfully.

As the song ended and the house was quiet again Emmett said, "It's a song from a movie, we'll watch it! You'll like it."

"She is _not_ watching that movie," Daddy snarled.

"Shhh! I threw in an extra song," Emmett held up his hand waiting.

"EXCELLENT!" Jasper approved.

Emmett looked threatening, "But _you_ have to dance with me, Jasper! With the boa."

Jasper rolled his eyes and snatched the boa from the floor. "You did more than enough so I'll dance as long as it's not—"

"_'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!_"

Jasper looked stunned momentarily, but he and Emmett started to dance. I was familiar with the song since Daddy thought the artist's music was more than acceptable and he rarely found anything to like about the music from 80's and 90's.

Learning about line dancing and not having to eat my oatmeal shouldn't have been traumatic…

But then there was the distinct sound of fabric ripping. I blinked and stared at Emmett…the shirt was in tatters on the floor, but the lacy undergarments were thoroughly intact…What truly made the situation traumatic was _nothing_ compared to Rosalie stalking in, unannounced proclaiming how Alice was right to want to get home and then Alice storming in screaming at Emmett for wearing her underwear…_again_. Mommy followed them in, kissing me on the head and then reminding _everyone_ about the oatmeal in front of me. It wasn't until later, after I'd learned the '_Hoedown Throwdown_', which is when I realized I was having a terrible excuse for a childhood, I was deprived for never having been to Disney World! Just because I could read and write and was barely a year old didn't mean I didn't want to have at least similar experiences to _normal_ children!

It's one thing to be special within your breed. It's a whole other issue entirely to not be _normal_...Which confused me because if I wanted normalcy than I was more in agreement with Daddy about consistency than I realized...And being confused is traumatic for me because I understand too much for my own good, already!

That's when the identity crisis started up...

Everything got worse when I calmed down enough to watch _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ but it was a false sense of serenity because then Emmett insisted on viewing real monster movies and what happened next was worse than line dancing _and_ human food...

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**Author's Note:** DUNDUNDAAA!!! lol! Yeah, this chapter was particularly random but I bet I totally psyched you out when Nessie heard something rip...It's okay, you can admit you totally thought she was _finally_ going to see Emmett naked! It'll happen...Just keep your panties on...Or I guess in Emmett's case, Alice's panties...So, originally I had a different idea set for this chapter, but in light of recent events I felt the need to incorporate the late, great Michael Jackson. And yes I threw the '_Hoedown Throwdown_' in there, too! _Seriously_, everyone should want to learn it!

Fun fact: chocolate wasn't available to the general public till like the mid-1700s...Google it!

Anyway, I actually know what's going to happen next...MMMWWWHHHAAA!!!


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